Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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