no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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