It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
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I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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