i think i have two assholes
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
