I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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