I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
