She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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