Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
