Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
