I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
