Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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