u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
