Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
worst night to have a conscience
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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