Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
