The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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