sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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