I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Be still, my beating vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Shame - the story of my life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
