:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
