I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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