I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
