I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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