ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
