NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
