im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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