dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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