there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
