Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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