i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
