Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
