I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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