I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
