Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
