My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So squirting runs in the family.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
