she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I want a musical about memes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
