My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
only you would photoshop your dick
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
