yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
