just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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