No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
