You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
