She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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