I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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