OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
