Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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