The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
