Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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