i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
