I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
