he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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