my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
