If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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