office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
