Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
