That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
