so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
