Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
