You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
