fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
