I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
