Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
