I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
