I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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