i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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