I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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