I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
