I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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