I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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