Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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