Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
