I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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