Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
