So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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