I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
