Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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